


Silver Linings

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, PTSD, fighting (not physical), mention of canon typical violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 04:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14968928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: Bucky is hurting and pushes the reader away.





	Silver Linings

Clint and Steve were walking down the halls of the Stark tower as Steve was catching Clint up on their latest mission. Everything had worked out in the end, but that didn’t mean there haven’t been a few kinks along the way. A young Siberian man from the village they had been trying to save from invasion had recognized Bucky as the man that had tortured and killed his parents when he was a boy. He had attacked, before Steve and Bucky had gotten the chance to reason with him, resulting in his death as he was caught in the crossfire between the Avengers and the invaders.

Needless to say, Bucky hadn’t taken it well and honestly Steve was worried about him. He had been quiet all the way back and the instant they had reached the Stark Tower he had disappeared into his room. Steve had breathed a sigh of relief when Y/N had arrived. Bucky had been a different person ever since he met her. Well maybe not different, but more like the Bucky he had once known; the boy he had grown up with. Steve had hoped that her presence would help him somehow, but now that he heard the loud voices carrying from the Bucky’s room and towards the kitchen, he regretted being so stupid. Bucky wasn’t the same. Y/N had never seen him like this before and Steve should have known better. He should have stopped her or at the very least warned her what she was walking into.

It was too late now though as the door to Bucky’s room opened and closed with a loud bang and Y/N stormed right past Clint and Steve without as much as acknowledging their presence.

“Oh boy,” Clint mumbled looking after the fuming woman before his eyes met with Steve’s. “As much as I would love to send you after her, you’d probably have better luck with grumpy down there,” Clint nodded towards Bucky’s room with a smile. Clint turned around and followed Y/N before Steve had a chance to scold him, but Clint still felt the bitchface Steve gave him on the back of his neck. It’s only effect was the smile on Clint’s face widening.

Truth be told Clint has angered his own wife more than once as he brought the baggage of their job home with him. As pissed as she had gotten, her love and affection hadn’t wavered and Clint saw the way Y/N looked at Bucky. He knew hers hadn’t either. She just didn’t understand. She was a nurse and a damn good woman, but their jobs were something else. How could anyone understand what it was like to have someone rob you of yourself? Have you kill for them without hesitation or remorse. The truth was that no one could understand. Not unless they lived it.

Clint took a deep breath as he spotted her in the small park behind the Tower. She was sitting on the grass with her legs pulled up under her as she watched the ebbs and flows of the fountain before her. She didn’t look angry. Just like Clint had expected the expression on her face was one of agony. Bucky’s pain hurt her because she loved him. She had gotten angry because he wouldn’t let her in. He wouldn’t let her help. Clint had seen the same reaction in Laura more than once when they first met. It had taken him years to let her in and even now somethings were still hard for him to share with her. He couldn’t imagine what it was like for Bucky. Decades of torture and killing, of course, he was afraid to let her see the darkness.

“Hi? Mind if I sit?” Clint asked, with a small smile as she looked up at him. She didn’t say anything she just shook her head quietly. Clint felt bad for her, just like he did his own wife once in a while. He understood why Bucky tried to push her away even if he was making a mistake. He even knew that was the exact thing Steve was trying to make him see right now. Y/N wasn’t stupid she knew what kind of a man Bucky was and she knew who he had been in the past and who he had been forced to become. She knew all of it and she chose to stay. Clint knew the argument Steve would make because it was the only one Bucky would hear. Y/N had the right to make her own choice. She had the right to decide what she could and could not handle.

“I don’t need your pity,” she mumbled as Clint sat down and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Good cause I don’t pity you,” he answered and her head snapped around to look at him in surprise. “You knew he was a mess when you met him and honestly I don’t think you are the kinda woman that wants to fix him either,” Clint gave her a small nudge with his shoulder and earned a smile.

“I’m not. All he has been through made him who he is now. I love who he is,” she answered truthfully before looking back to the rushing water. “I just wish he would let me in sometimes that’s all.”

“He will. In time,” Clint assured her. He couldn’t be sure of course but he saw the way Bucky looked at her. He loved her and trusted her. Him redrawing at times didn’t have anything to do with her even if Clint knew Y/N probably didn’t see it like that.

“Y/N even if it wasn’t him some of the memories are still there. All of them are hiding deep down. It was still his hands that kill those people. He saw it all happen powerless to stop it,” Clint explained even if the memories pained him. If they could help Bucky and Y/N maybe they were good for something.

“Clint I’m sorry…” she began but he just shook his head with a sad smile.

“No pity. Not for you. Not for me. Not for Bucky. He’ll pull through. Listen this  **life messes us up in so many ways, messes all of us right the hell up**  but we’ll push through. Bucky too. We’ll focus on the silver linings,” Clint sent her a wink giving her hand a squeeze. He couldn’t help but feel relieved when she laughed.

“I’m a silver lining?” she laughed, causing Clint to shrug.

“To Bucky yes. Laura and the kids are mine,” he answered with a grin as he got up offering her his hand. She took it allowing him to pull her back onto her feet. “Just try and be patient with the schmuck,” Clint grinned wrapping his arm around her shoulder, leading her back to the Tower and a hopefully calmer Bucky.

Y/N tensed as they reached the kitchen and Clint sent her a reassuring smile, nudging her towards the hall and Bucky’s room. “It’ll be fine,” he assured her, praying he wasn’t lying.

She took a deep breath before knocking on the door, slowly pushing it open. Her heart broke at the sight that met her. Steve was sitting in one of the chairs, his elbows on his knees leaning against his best friend. Bucky was on the edge of the bed hiding his face in his hands not looking up until Steve greeted her.

The shock and pain in Bucky’s eyes, when they met hers, took her breath away. A part of him would always fear to lose her each time she walked out of his sight, but today he had been sure he had.

“Hi Y/N. I’ll give you two some privacy,” Steve stood up giving Bucky’s shoulder a squeeze and Y/N a grateful smile before pushing past her out the door.

“Y/N. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell at you like that,” Bucky spoke the second Steve closed the door behind him. He didn’t move though. He sat completely frozen as if he was afraid the slightest movement would spook her. Y/N felt as if a knife was pushed through her chest. She hated he still thought she could be scared of him. She never had been and she never would be. She knew that telling him that wouldn’t make a difference, not right now at least. She didn’t run away because he had scared her. She ran because she was angry and hurt he wouldn’t let her help him. That he wouldn’t let her even touch him when all she had needed was to feel his warmth, assuring them both he was home.

“It’s fine. Couples fight,” Y/N answered quietly as she crossed the room to sit down next to him. They didn’t look at each other, as they sat in silence. His right side was pressed against her left and their eyes fixated on their hands slowly edging closer to each other. They gently started to intertwine and not until they were, did Bucky look at her. His courage fueled her and she looked up to met his gaze.

“I can’t talk about this with you doll. I’m sorry. You’re…” Bucky paused not knowing how to explain it but Y/N just smiled.

“Your silver lining,” she grinned and Bucky raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“You’re my what?” he chuckled lightly squeezing her hand and Y/N pulled a face at him, before looking down at her feet almost shyly.

“Can you do something for me?” she asked. Her voice so low it was barely audible and Bucky’s smile fell. He hated seeing her hurting or sad, especially over him.

“Anything doll. Anything,” he instantly assured her and her eyes met his again. Still looking nervous, she chewed her lip and Bucky wanted to lean in and kiss her to make her stop.

“Hold me?” she asked quietly, making Bucky smile. It had been all he had wanted to do from the moment she walked through the door. He had been so incredibly stupid, pushing her away when he needed her the most.

“C'mere darling,” Bucky laid back on the bed gently pulling her into his arms. He relaxed, closing his eyes as he felt her fingers tender patterns in his chest. She was right. She was his silver lining and just one moment like this with her was worth all the pain he had gone through to get to this day in time.


End file.
